homesick. again

yes yes yes. Homesick, again.
At first glance, one would assume that I am yearning to go home, to be back in my comfort zone, with my chunky peanut butter, and cottage cheese. Though that would be nice, i wish it was true. This week, the Lord has fully been speaking to my heart, and ive been keeping this "journal" in my heart. As i woke up this morning on the worlds most uncomfortable pillow, i layed there. It was the strangest feeling. I was consciously awake, but my eyes were closed. And i had NO idea where i was! haha funny, yes. I layed thereand thought of 6 possible places. A retreat, camp, home, mandys house, still in spain, or rome. As my mind was figuring out where i was, it hit me. I was homesick.
Strange, because though all the places i had mentioned are what i consider my home, and they are all where i feel most comfortable. I still felt homesick?! What's that all about???

This week has been a week of conviction for me. My mind is so captive in the scriptures. As i sit in my classes, serve in the community, and share in the life of everyone here in Mallorca, i feel so happy. so excited. so undeserving. and so nostalgic. So nostalgic? how could i feel nostalgic over something that i have only had for four weeks?? It was this week that i have found myself falling back in love with the Lord. Though i have always been in love with Him, a fresh new fire arose. I remembered what it was like when i first gave my life to Christ about 5 years ago. I was so excited to share what i knew, and was so excited for the hope i had. Though that knowledge has still been evident in my life the past 5 years, it is now alive again. I have been beautifully reminded that we are to live each day like the first day. .
There is such a lack of Homesickness.in our lives. Is there any sense of hope as we long for heaven? Do we honestly yean for Christ to return? Who are we living for? and what is after death?
I hate religion. I know we arent supposed to hate. but i hate religion. It is so man made, and satans way of robbing us of what we need to hear and know. Very few people think we are in a war that is greater than WW2. Truth be told, we are in a war and Satan is the leader. In "Screwtape Letters" by CS Lewis, he describes Satan saying that he doesnt "hope for too much from war". Why is that you may ask? He explains that war will not destroy the faith of real believers and will, thanks to God's high handed ways, roduce a good deal of unwanted seriousness about life, death, and the issues of eternity." " How disastrous for us, the devil complains, is the continual remembrance of death which war enforces. In wartime, not even a human can believe that he is going to live forever.
Whether you label yourself as christian, catholic, agnostic, athiest, or whatever. One thing we ALL have in common is our unability to be immortal. yes ladies and gents... we all die. And so arises the ever so popular question where do you go after death? Whether you believe in eternal life or not think of how many times at a funeral you say "its okay, they are going to a better place" .. where is that better place you are talking about? and are YOU going there?

We live in such a ficticious life. In the moment and in the scene. As long as our paychecks and bills are on time, and we get to eat out once a week, and go to church, and homeschool our kids, and still serve in the ministry... we are safe and content. We are even satisfied with our life after death.
OH HOW WRONG WE ARE.
I am realizing how easy it is to be so relaxed at how "nice" my life is. When in reality, the Lord in heaven who created every cell in our body, the One who knows every single hair on your childs head, the One who allows you to smell the rose outside your house, and the One who keeps the seas in their beautiful place .. is coming BACK. SOON! ... yes, this is true and soooo exciting! so exciting, and sooo scarry. I cant help but think of all the people here in spain, in europe, in america, in california, in yucaipa, in redlands, in my family.. who may know this, yet truly dont.
If we arent living our lives for Christ everyday and living everyday for His return that IS coming, then we are living it for Satan. period. Whether we think so or not, we are living under someone or worse, something. Anyone can fight, but very few can submit. Dont fear the man who can kill the body, fear the man who can take your body and cast it into hell .. AMEN! man, im so excited right now. :)
(Im sorry guys, this is getting really long. but thanks for hangin in this far)
... AH! anyways, basically my desire right now is that we would ALL be homesick. That we would all long and desire to go home with Christ. The definition of desire is not merely a simple wish. it is a deep seated craving; and intense longing, for attainment. Think about it. We dont DESIRE a snickers bar, or DESIRE to clean the bathroom. We desire to new car, or to win the lotto, right? It something that we pray for. Even if you dont ever pray. When you really want somethin, and you realize you cant do by yourself, you pray for it. Both Christians and Non christians. Religious and non religious people do this. Desire is intense, but narrow.It wants a few things, and it wants them badly, so badly that nothing but God's willingness to answer, can bring it easement or content. Without desire, there is not burden of the soul, no sense of need, no vision, no strength, no glow of faith. As desire and prayer go hand in hand. It must be made personal, and centered on God with a unquenchable hunger and thirst after Him and His strength.
When people ask me what my desires were. My first answer was to be a doctor. I see my grandma and her need of a kidney, and i get a bitter-sweet burden on my heart. I am bitter at the fact that i cannot give her a kidney, and that she has to go through the painful medical process every week where they blatantly hook her up to a machine to artificaily replace the work of an organ she once had. AND THEN i am beautifully overtaken by the sweet joy she has on her face every time i see her. The joy and aroma she gives off is one that only can be credited to the love of Christ she has in her. I see the joy of the Lord in both my grandparents. In every single step they take, and every single word they speak. I read of Stephen the Martyer, and his face of an angel he had as he was stoned to death for proclaiming the Name, the only name that is worth being proclaimed.
Though my desire is still to go into medicine. My first and foremost desire is to see everyone be Homesick. To see everyone yearn to die, and come to the realization that someone loves you more than i do, more than your spouse does, more than your sister does, more than your mom and kids do. And that Person is coming back to take you Home.

So, to finally wrap this beautiful mess up... simple questions:

1.What are your desires RIGHT NOW?

2. Are you Homesick? or are you comfortable? or are you scared?

... whatever it may be. I urge you to pray. Talk to the Lord, and pray for Him to change your heart and desires if need be. Sucky, we may have to give up our joy we get from wanting a snickers bar or In n out, or it may even mean giving up that BMW dream.. but hey, who knows what we will be cruisin in on the golden pavement at HOME. :)

i love you so much,
Anna

ps... sorry it was so long! but i miss you guys soo much. serioso. and pray for me as "move" to ROME on wednesday morning. xoxoxo <3 (yes mandy, i went there, i did the heart symbol)